Making My Head Spin – by Slytherin Girl

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/887984/1/Making_My_Head_Spin
Sequel: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2546677/24/See_You_On_The_Other_Side

WARNING: PARTIAL REVIEW
As with many of my poorly-rated fic reviews, I only read a few chapters into this story before skimming to the end.
If anything in my review is inaccurate or misconceived as a result, please feel free to let me know and I will amend my review.

Rating: Poor

The Basics: Classic Era (only compliant up to GoF), Friendship/Romance, Hurt/Comfort, 100k

Warnings: Underage, Original Characters, possibly more

Hermione’s parents are killed by Death Eaters and she retreats to Hogwarts for the summer to recover, accidentally taking refuge in Snape’s private library; he doesn’t have the heart to turn her out.

This fic is just mediocre, all the way around.  The writing style is the biggest problem – it reads very young, very amateur.  Instead of bringing you into the scene, into the characters’ minds, the scenes are described in a clipped dialogue and cliche descriptions that leaves the reader rather disengaged.  The characterizations are also poor – Snape allows Hermione into his rooms in the first few chapters, simply because she ‘likes them better than her rooms’ and she’s presently emotionally fragile.  Paranoid, private, Gryffindor-resenting Snape?  I don’t think so.  Another example; early in the story, Snape throws a temper tantrum, including shouting and magical spells, in the presence of a bunch of Muggles, simply because Hermione is crying.  I’m sure the author was trying to show us that Snape was beginning to care about her, but an out-of-character temper tantrum is a clumsy, heavy-handed way to do that.

Add to these grievances a jarring action plot with flops instead of twists and a sappy, unrealistic romance, and you’ve got a Poor rating fic on your hands.

The bottom line: I feel bad giving this such a terrible review because I suspect the author was very young when she wrote it, but I just can’t get past the writing style of this fic.  Low quality writing makes it very difficult to become or remain interested in the story.  This can occasionally be overcome with strong characters or witty dialogue, but unfortunately this fic has neither.  Skip it.

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