The Basics: Classic Era (compliant to GoF), Humor/Romance, 170k
Warnings: Harry/Draco, Slash, NC17 SC, Original Characters, Underage SC, Drugs
WARNING: PARTIAL REVIEW
As with many of my low-rated fic reviews, I only read about halfway into this story before skimming to the end.
If anything in my review is inaccurate or misconceived as a result, please feel free to let me know and I will amend my review.
Harry and Hermione arrive early to Hogwarts to settle in to their prefect duties. They are shocked to discover that their houses have been switched – Harry and Hermione are now Slytherin prefects, reporting to Professor Snape.
This is a pretty decent humor fic with lots of unique characters, but here’s the problem – it’s Harry/Draco, with a Snape/Hermione subplot. I read about halfway before realizing that the Snape/Hermione was not worth pursuing.
There are a TON of original characters. There are two snakes called Snippy and Snarky who are the Slytherin mascots, a mascot for each of the other houses, a new Muggle Studies teacher, and my personal favorite – The Blackest Magic Ever, a talking book by Gilderoy Lockhart (also known as Sheldon.) Each of these characters is given a lot of time in the story. Snippy and Snarky in particular are major characters, possibly more major than either Snape or Hermione. These characters are fun, adding originality and charm to the fic, but there are just too many of them – maybe it’s a personal preference, but I want to read about Harry Potter characters when I’m reading Harry Potter fanfiction. And I want to read about Snape and Hermione when I’m reading SSHG fiction!
Snape and Hermione’s subplot takes off when Hermione accidentally Apparates with Snape to the middle of a Death Eater circle (this would never happen) and they have to think quickly to survive. They pose as lovers, and Hermione pretends she wants to join the Death Eaters. Everything moves quickly and clumsily after this point – for example, Snape suggests they ‘practice kissing’ so they will be ready to fool the Death Eaters. It was written as if both Snape and Hermione were young, hapless kids, with Dumbledore as the unfair, non-understanding authority figure. The story was obviously written by someone very young. Most scenes are humor-based and do not reference the war effort or the serious negative consequences of a relationship between a professor and a fifth-year.
Another thing I just have to mention is the completely unfair treatment of Hufflepuffs. The Hufflepuff mascot is a pot-smoking badger who is as intelligent and useful as the box of rubber ducks in Arthur Weasley’s attic. This was obviously written long before the ‘Hufflepuffs are Awesome, too’ movement, and I found myself a little angry every time a joke was made at the expense of Hufflepuff House. (And this is coming from a Slytherclaw.)
The bottom line: Read it if you’re in the mood for a lighthearted original character romp, read it for Harry/Draco, and definitely read it for The Blackest Magic Ever by Gilderoy Lockhart. But if you’re looking for great Snape/Hermione, you won’t find it here.