The Succubus – by SouthernWitch69

Link: http://www.thepetulantpoetess.com/viewstory.php?sid=740

Rating: Poor Plus

The Basics: Phoenix Era, Romance/Action/Angst, 120k,

Warnings: Sexual Content, Pregnancy, Slash

Hermione Granger begins having nightly visits from Incubus demon, while Severus Snape is plagued with a Succubus. These demons are rare, but not unheard of.  But why are their demons taking the form of each other?

Full disclosure: I started reading this story curled up during a thunderstorm after drinking several glasses of wine. I was ready to love this and found it delightful, though cheese-y and out of character. When I woke up in the morning and resumed reading, I found it simply awful and wondered how I had managed to read so much of it!

I really like the premise of this story. It is not a premise I have run across before in fan-fiction. The first few chapters of Hermione and Snape resisting their demons (the chapters I drunk-read) are enjoyable.

The major problem with this fic is the quality of the writing. It is well suited to the humor / ‘Classic Era’ sort of vibe in the beginning of the fic, but once the fic become serious, the ham-fistedness of the writing becomes cringeworthy.  It is one of those that was obviously written by someone very young. No one is in character – they are simply ‘Dramatic Romance Hero’ versions of themselves. Hermione is the simpering virgin, Snape is the possessive, masculine hero. I kept at it a bit, hoping that the writing might improve, but it really doesn’t. The ‘plot’ is a weird tangle of romantic storylines, mostly revolving around blandly-written side characters.

Additionally, I am very uncomfortable with Snape’s loud declaration of possession (it seems to be his only characteristic.) It’s something I dislike in men, and it’s also something horribly out of character for Snape. This is a man who always leaves himself an exit and prefers to leave things unsaid, just in case. He may be possessive, but he would never say it out loud! That gives too much of himself away and puts him in a position of weakness and need. It’s Snape 101. This isn’t ‘Classic Era’, it’s OOtP era. No excuse for this kind of Snape.  Even worse, this fic pairs Domineering!Snape with InnocentVirgin!Hermione; extremely difficult to imagine those two together.  Hermione seems overrun and taken advantage of, Snape seems like an aggressive, unlikeable caveman.

It’s worth mentioning that the author, southernwitch69, has a huuuuge body of work and does take some time in later fics to delve into why ‘her’ Snape is quite possessive and masculine.  If you like that kind of Snape, try reading “Vengeance is Sweet” instead of this fic.  It’s the same author, it has a strong adult Hermione, and the writing is much stronger.  I imagine that ‘The Succubus’ must have been one of her earliest fics, because the writing here is pretty crude.

The bottom line: It’s a fun idea, but the childish point of view and the overdramatic writing render it unreadable. The early chapters might be good for some light drunk reading, but that’s about it.

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