The Phoenix, the Raven, and Prince Charming? – by Dragons Quill

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3530941/1/The-Phoenix-The-Raven-Prince-Charming

Rating: Acceptable

The Basics: Half-Blood Prince Era, Angst/Romance, 160k

Warnings: Angst, Torture. I did not finish the story so there could be more.

Severus Snape kills Albus Dumbledore. Harry Potter saves the world. Now, Snape is in Azkaban for his crimes. Curiously, Albus Dumbledore’s phoenix, Fawkes, voluntarily joins Snape in Azkaban and refuses to leave his side. Hermione Granger is intrigued by this mystery – and besides, she needs Snape’s help.

This is a really interesting fic. It’s a combination of factors that I don’t think I’ve seen before – excellent, creative, original ideas and storylines combined with really, really bad writing. I actually prefer it to well-written fics with terrible ideas/characters, which is usually what you find in fanfiction.

I skimmed most of this fic because the writing was so bad – I just couldn’t fully immerse myself in it because I was constantly drawn out by mistakes and awkward phrasing. The worse offense is the author’s proclivity to summarize rather than flesh out a scene. The majority of chapters are summaries of events rather than concrete moments. This works really well for something like flashbacks – of which the story has plenty – but it feels cheatingly disappointing to read what ought to have been an interesting scene in a short summary.

There are some awkward conceptual mis-steps, too. I’m selling this idea of an idiot savant creative genius author who is only held back by bad writing, but that isn’t strictly true. For example, Hermione wants to bring Snape some comfort in prison. He is starving to death and has lost the will to live. She brings him…shampoo. Cringe. Any serious fan of the pairing should immediately recognize that this is pouring salt on an old inflamed wound of Snape’s. It’s not comforting! She ought to have brought him a collection of books or a Potions journal. There are plenty of other examples like this, too. Overall, though, the concepts of the fic were excellent and the writing was terrible. I found that dissonance interesting.

It’s also interesting to see how the writing improves throughout the story. The author gets a beta reader, which helps tremendously. She is clearly utilizing feedback from her reviews. The writing is still pretty bad at the end (for example, having a 4000 year old phoenix use the phase, ‘get the ball rolling’) but I enjoyed the meta-journey of watching the author grow.

The bottom line: Honestly, this is worth a read for almost any fan of the pairing. You’ll know right away if you can tolerate the low quality writing or not. If you can’t, well, skim a bit like I did. If you can, you might be in for a treat. Fawkes looking over Snape in Azkaban! Hermione Granger, Mistress of Horses! Snape, learning to forgive himself and find the will to live. There are great concepts and soulful insights here, hidden beneath layers of grimy writing.

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She Married Her Choice – by averygoodun

Link: http://www.thepetulantpoetess.com/viewstory.php?sid=1589
Alt link: http://ashwinder.sycophanthex.com/viewstory.php?sid=12777
Other: There is also a prequel, Marry a Choice, which I link in ‘the bottom line’ section.

Rating: Acceptable

The Basics: Half-Blood Prince Era, Teen Drama/Romance, 150k

Warnings: Dumb People, NC-17, Violence, Non-Con (not SSHG). Also, I did not finish the story so there could be more.

After the defeat of Voldemort, seventh year Hermione Granger chooses to marry Severus Snape before the Marriage Law is passed in order to prevent worse Death Eaters from drawing up contracts with her against her will. The wedding is over, and the couple returns to Hogwarts. Hermione’s seventh year is going to be difficult.

It’s been quite a long time since I put down a fic this early, especially a fic of this seeming quality. The first thing I should mention is that I only read about 4 chapters before I was so frustrated that I had to stop. So, some of you who do not share my pet peeves might really enjoy this fic, and you might also find a lot of things in the middle and later chapters that I did not that redeems it. I’d be interested in those insights, but I just can’t read this anymore, so I will review what I managed to choke down.

Let’s start with the problem, since I’m sure you are wondering. The problem is that Snape and Hermione both act like complete idiots. They both act in the moment with their emotions like teenagers (which, granted, Hermione is, but she’s shown throughout the entire series to be level-headed and cautious.) They both jump to nonsensical conclusions about each other over and over again – I call it ‘tragic misunderstandings’ and it is my biggest pet peeve both in life and in fanfics. I’m too old and grumpy to read a fic that has 3 of them in the first 4 chapters. Snape thinks Hermione is ‘spreading rumors about him’ because the school is rampant with rumors day the after their wedding. Utterly asinine. Then, Snape publicly shames her by giving her a detention and when she refuses to go, he attempts to physically drag her there. Sorry, but that’s not a character I’m interested in reading about AT ALL. He bears no resemblance to my beloved Potions Professor.

Hermione is slightly more in character – after all, she immediately sets Snape on fire when he manhandles her, which is exactly what any mature Gryffindor worth their colors would have done – but she also suffers from plot-contrived stupidity when the author requires it. It’s as if the author pulls everything, included the characters, out of shape in order to accommodate her ideas for fun scenes or moments, even if it does not make sense for the characters. For example, Hermione says incredibly blunt/rude things about Snape while he is in the other room and he’s angry the next day and she can’t figure out why. HMM I WONDER. Real, intelligent people are automatically anxious about being overheard and do damage control right at that moment. Hermione doesn’t think about it. She doesn’t think about anything other than her own selfish impulses at the moment. This is not how you create conflict or write intelligent chcaracters. Hermione is a bit Mary Sue, too, which is surprising in a Half-Blood Prince era fic when it was looked down on as a cliche, as it is today. Lucius Malfoy, my beloved glittering arctic fox, apparently wants Hermione for a bride. This isn’t the worst Mary Sue I’ve ever read, but it’s there.

From what I’ve written so far, you might expect that this is a terrible fic, but it really has a lot of redeeming qualities. There are a lot of fun ideas – using storm clouds and sunlight in the Great Hall for humorous effect, giving Snape chicken pox, Snape subtly coaxing and then viciously eviscerating a couple of boys hassling Hermione, Ginny smuggling Hermione chocolate mousse to comfort her after a bad day, Hermione setting Snape on fire when he pushes her too far. All of these are fun ideas, and most of these scenes are written well. It’s just the terrible, terrible, ham-fisted emotional conflict between two characters that /know better/ that ruined the fic for me. I feel like there is definitely a good fic IN the author somewhere, but this isn’t it, because her characterization preferences are not at all suited to a serious fic about Hermione and Snape. Her strengths lie in friendship, comedy, and the dynamics of a group. Maybe even a pair of emotional lovers, like Ginny/Harry or even Draco/Harry. But serious, calm, slow-to-action, always trying to outfox each other, curled-up-with-a-book Snape and Hermione? No.

The bottom line: The romantic tension is non-existent because they are married when the fic begins. Lackluster characterizations, tragic misunderstandings, and impulsive and asinine emotional conflict ruin an otherwise funny and well-written fic. Read if you don’t mind ‘teen romance’ type conflict. Note that I only read the prequel (60k, http://www.thepetulantpoetess.com/viewstory.php?sid=861 )and the first 4 chapters of this.

It All Comes Down to Time – JenKM1216

Links:
http://ashwinder.sycophanthex.com/viewstory.php?sid=12563
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2901275/1/It-All-Comes-Down-To-Time

Rating: Acceptable

The Basics: Half-Blood Prince Era, Romance/Time-Travel, 100k

Warnings: Sexual Content, Pregnancy, Nonsense

Hermione is accidentally flung back 19 years time to the reign of the Marauders at Hogwarts. Oh, and their nemesis Severus Snape, of course.

I am not usually a fan of time-travel fics in this pairing, because teenage Severus is sort of a nightmare, right? As most teenage boys are. I love Kylo Ren and joke that he’s ‘seventh year Snape.’ He’s angry, immature, and directs his rage to all of the wrong places. They are both great characters, but they are not great romantic heroes. (Of course, I have a giant crush on Kylo Ren, but any good romance story with him would require a major growth arc.)

Whether the author intended to or not, she did a great job at writing this Snape and Hermione as painfully teenage. Hermione ignores the ‘little voice’ in her head warning of her all of the consequences of her actions and seduces teenage Snape. (However, she still somehow manages to avoid warning Lily and James about Pettigrew’s betrayal – to me, that should have been a much greater temptation, but she isn’t tempted at all.) Hermione and Snape somehow forget to consider contraceptive potions. Oops! That is probably my number one pet peeve in this pairing and I nearly quit reading.

The writing is also ‘teenage’ in quality, which I doubt was a conscious decision. There is a major overuse of cliches such as ‘heart beating wildly,’ ‘lips crushing into hers,’ ‘mouth gaping open like a fish,’ etc. It’s hard to define what good writing is, but one can identify the signs of its absence. Cliches are one of those signs. Another sign is short scenes that lack description or depth; more montage than scene. Most of the scenes in this fic are written this way – except for the sex scenes, of course, which are written in painstaking detail. The plot is similarly basic. Rather than coming up with a creative way for teenage Snape and Hermione to be thrown together, the author literally has them run in to each other multiple times, and then magically be seated next to each other every class. Harry manages to break the simplistic wards on Snape’s office (LOL NO) and find papers explaining Plot MacGuffins on his desk. These forced contrivances really took me out of the story.

The author seems to skip over all of the ‘getting to know you’ details like what they discuss in Potions class, or intimate discussions about their hobbies, or everyday ‘witty banter’. Hermione’s blossoming attraction to adult Snape is detailed in a few quick paragraphs. I am more interested in the interactions that formed this attraction than anything else in the story – and they are absent. Without those scenes that define them as individuals and establish the tenor of the friendship and relationship, the fic feels like it could be about any generic people. It doesn’t feel like our Hermione and Severus unless one wears Harry Potter lexicon tinted glasses while reading it and even then it’s a bit of a stretch.

The dumbest possible tragic misunderstanding I have EVER read occurs in Chapter 7. It was beyond obnoxiously out-of-character and moronic, even for a teenage Snape. Another two stupid misunderstandings occur back to back a few chapters later. As an example of how awful these, ‘I won’t let you finish and I’m storming out,’ misunderstandings are: RON of all people allows Hermione to finish explaining something that angers him. Once he hears her explanation, he understands and is sympathetic. How is the Ron in this fic more patient and mature than Snape and Hermione? That’s the level of out-of-character nonsense we’re dealing with in this fic. Perhaps even worse than the tragic misunderstandings, though, is Hermione’s character arc. She goes from being a headstrong and intelligent girl thrilled and excited by her studies, to a woman who cries herself to sleep out of boredom when she is forced to be away from her husband and child. Why don’t you read a book? Study something? Work on a project? Hermione is NOT a woman whose life ‘means nothing’ without her husband and child. OFFENSIVE NONSENSE.

Then, the only justified anger in the fic occurs when Harry finds out that Hermione was willing to meddle with the future by sleeping with Snape, but not willing to risk the future when it came to saving his parents’ lives. All she had to say was, ‘Do not make Wormtail your Secret-Keeper.’ I actually 100% agree with Harry here and probably would have cut Hermione out of my life after this. (BOTH of these time-meddling actions were wrong, but if she was going to risk one, she ought to have risked the other.) In the fic, though, Harry’s anger is presented as unjustified and Harry eventually apologizes to Hermione by buying her chocolates and groveling. I cannot wrap my head around the characters’ behavior in this fic. Everything seems upside down. Perhaps the author is a very different person than I am.

So, after all of that complaining, I should cover the aspects of this fic that are good. It is rated Acceptable which is relatively high for me. Despite my complaints about content, the writing itself is relatively error-free and page-turning in its own way. Sometimes when reading a fic, it is immediately obvious that the writing is awful. That is not the case here. The writing is clean and flows nicely. I finished the fic, albeit with heavy skimming towards the end. I know that many of the fic’s problems are pet peeves of mine (cliche expressions, teenagers, terrible decision-making, pregnancy) and that many of my readers will not be as annoyed by the fic as I was. Really, I’m struggling to muster up praise, but believe me when I say it’s not that bad, if you’re desperate for a new fic.

The bottom line: This is a completely average fic. It’s readable, it’s page-turning, but everything about it is basic and predictable. It is filled with avoidable conflicts and tragic misunderstandings. With stronger characterizations and longer in-depth descriptions and dialogue, this could have been something. As it is, it’s passable. Barely. Maybe.

The Language of Flowers – by Lady Strange

Links:
http://www.thepetulantpoetess.com/viewstory.php?sid=1240
http://ashwinder.sycophanthex.com/viewstory.php?sid=12098

Rating: Acceptable

The Basics: Half-Blood Prince Era, Regency, 140k (1/3 of it is Author’s Notes)

Warnings: Alternate Universe

Miss Hermione Granger and Lord Sterne (Severus Snape) hatch a plan to help their friends, Lady Ginevra Weasley and Lord Villiers (Draco Malfoy), court each other despite Duchess Mallefille (Narcissa Malfoy)’s disapproval.

When I read His Draught of Delicate Poison, I thought that it was a Regency fic. It wasn’t until I read this fic, The Language of Flowers, that I realized His Draught of Delicate Poison was only lightly referencing Regency romance. The author of The Language of Flowers exhaustively converts all of Harry Potter into actual Regency London; giving everyone proper titles and peerage related to actual places, converting all of the schools to real schools, converting all of the men’s clubs and stores to real Regency clubs and stores, and notating it all in the Author’s Notes with history lessons and citations. The level of detail here is insane.

When I told my husband I was reading a Regency SSHG fic based on the language of flowers, he joked, ‘is there a preface dedicated to you?’ because Victorian flower language, gardening, old England, and SSHG fiction are pretty much my favorite things in life. I was 100% sure that I would adore this fic and I was so, so disappointed to find out that I did not.

First of all, many of the characters are referred to by their invented Regency titles rather than their names, because that is the way it would have been in Regency England. Snape is ‘Lord Sterne,’ Draco is ‘Lord Villiers,’etc. I understand why the the author made this choice, but it’s jarring. Next, there are hugely extensive Author’s Notes that I had to give up on reading because they were extremely pedantic and boring. I thought I would love the little lessons on flowers and on Regency England, but they were overly verbose and never seemed to enhance the story. And again, I feel as though I should stress the idea that if ANYONE was going to enjoy these Author’s Notes and this story, it should have been me! These are my exact interests and I was bored to tear by both the story and the notes. What went wrong?

One major problem with the story are the characterizations, especially Snape in the latter half of the story. He is raging, irrational, and pathetic. He follows Hermione around everywhere and screams at her jealously for absolutely no reason. He’s acting jealous because he’s in love with her, of course, but…what a heavy-handed and silly way to express that. Aren’t Regency fics supposed to be about restraint, wit and subtlety? Why the temper tantrums? The Snape in the second half of the story does not even resemble Snape. If the character were supposed to be Ron, I would have written that the author did a disservice to Ron by making him such a jealous crybaby. Can you imagine Snape being more of a jealous crybaby than Ron? That’s what we’re dealing with in this story. Not sexy, not interesting, not intelligent, not Snape.

When readers complain about the characterizations, the author responds by explaining that it is a necessary part of the Regency conversion. Hermione would be cold and aloof because fill-in-the-blank Regency reason. Snape would be possessive and jealous because fill-in-the-blank Regency reason. In some fics, I will accept bad characterizations if I feel the author has ‘done the work’ to justify these character changes, but that is not the case here. As an example, Draco (I’m sorry, Lord Villiers) is shown to be a bit of a bad boy who is sincerely reformed because he wants to marry Ginevra. Things seem to be going well for him. Then, out of nowhere, he decides to go back to the gaming hall, get drunk, and duel-murder not one but TWO people. Why? Why would he do that? There is no explanation, not even in the 30 paragraph long Author’s Notes for that chapter. The author puts in plenty of work, but it’s all on Regency England and not on the characters or the story. I wish the author had focused more of her considerable intellectual prowess on portraying the characters accurately and writing a creative story.

Disappointment and a strange sort of dread filled my chest as I drew near the final chapters, realizing that the mild, boring scenes that were wrapping up were actually the climax of the story. That’s it? What about all of the flower stuff? What was this great mystery I was trying to piece together and decode? Was there nothing to solve, just floral references to the themes of each chapter? What was all of that build-up for? A little trip to France, a few tantrums, and all of the people we thought were going to be engaged in the beginning are now engaged?

I really want to muster up something positive to say here, because the fic is such a tremendous effort, but I am left with the overwhelming feeling that if I didn’t like this fic, which seemed to be made specifically for me, how could anyone else like it? I think the root of the problem is that the author is more of an academic than a creative. I had to come to the same conclusion about myself when my brief foray into creative writing ended with me crying into an empty notebook on a park bench in London (after a 6 month creative writing study abroad semester during which I wrote nothing.) I love literature, but I was not meant to write it. I do not have the electric spark of creativity. I feel that this author might have the same issue and I’m sure she could (and probably has) written fantastic non-fiction.

The bottom line: If I were grading this fic on its historical accuracy and academic merit, I might be giving it an A+. This site, however, is grading the quality of the SSHG content, which in this fic is mediocre at best. The author is extremely intelligent and well-studied; but when you take away all of the research, footnotes, history lessons, and Regency conversion efforts all that remains is a simple fic with serious out-of-character problems. Worth a read if you love Regency, maybe.

The Five Winters – by Anubis Ankh

Link: http://anubisankh.livejournal.com/16320.html
Note: The link is actually to the author’s LJ post, where she has listed her own upload links. I thought it better to link to ‘her’ rather than directly to the uploads. If this goes down or is inaccessible, please let me know.

Rating: Acceptable Plus

The Basics: Half-Blood Prince Era (AU), Romance, 700k

Warnings: NC-17, Violence

—–

I am back from a long hiatus; for personal reasons and because I was stuck on this fic. It’s 700,000 words – that’s INSANELY LONG, like 7 big novels. For me this fic was in that grey area of not-good-enough-to-keep-reading but not-bad-enough-to-skip, so I was in a holding pattern for months and months trying to go back to it. I’ve given up and am posting a review, because I need to make a post here, and because I miss reading SSHG.

After the events of the Wizarding War, Hermione Granger becomes Minerva McGonagall’s Transfiguration Apprentice, earning her place amongst the Hogwarts staff. She strikes up a friendship with Severus Snape that becomes something more.

I was extremely excited when I first started reading this fic. I knew going into it that it was 700,000 words, which was exciting, because if it was good, it would be an entire SSHG series. I was delighted as I started reading – the writing is excellent, check, Snape is in character, check, one of my favorite settings (Hogwarts, with Apprentice Hermione), CHECK! How had I missed this fic? Why was it not recommended EVERYWHERE? As I continued to read, I learned the answers to these questions.

My longtime readers will know how much I prefer slow-simmering romance – I mention it in every review. This romance is VERY slow – I was probably 100,000 words in before the first tendrils of romance began to creep in (that’s the length of the average fic I review here, for reference.) The author iterates in her authors notes that she finds most fics to be ‘unrealistic’ and that SSHG should be very slow and reluctant. “I totally agree! This is going to be an amazing fic,” I thought excitedly. But as I continued, on and on and on, I started to realize that the passion/sparks were not only slow, but absent. It’s one thing to enjoy the slow, tantalizing, drawn out period of standing too close to one another, wondering if the other feels the same, resisting the urge to act inappropriately. But this fic, that delicious tension is not described, hinted at, or present. When it’s time to move forward in the relationship, they sit down and clinically discuss their feelings. The same is true for every new physical step. I understand that this is the author’s idea of ‘realistic’ and I don’t totally disagree, but…there should be a LITTLE deliciousness in there, no? I am pretty tight-laced and prude-ish to be honest but there is definitely more passion in my old married relationship than there is in this freshly minted Severus and Hermione relationship.

Similarly, the plot moves very slowly. I am fine with not having a warplot, but there should be some feeling of excitement that makes you want to stay up late and continue reading. “For Someone Special” is a great example of this: in FSS, there’s almost no plot, just fast quips and charming pieces of their every day lives that make for excellent reading. (It’s obviously unfair to compare this author to LadyoftheMasque, who is working as a professional romance writer now, but I think for fics that are 700,000 words, that quality of writing is necessary.) This fic has great writing, but it’s not great enough to read for 50 hours, as the length demands.

Lastly, and I think this was really the dealbreaker for me in this fic – I really disliked the Hermione in this fic, though I can’t necessarily say she’s out of character. The author just focuses on aspects of Hermione that I don’t really like – bossy, VERY dominant, VERY Gryffindor. I’m a bit more of a Luna Lovegood and I prefer a more understanding Hermione. This Hermione forcibly shampoos Snape’s hair, forcibly manipulates him into attending parties he doesn’t want to go to, exposes his weaknesses to Lucius Malfoy of all people because she thinks it will help her get what she wants…I was very uncomfortable with all of that. It seemed to me that she was constantly humiliating him, both publicly and privately, which is not acceptable in a relationship.

Snape is insecure, so private, and sensitive to people exerting control over him (as his father, Voldemort, or Dumbledore have for his entire life.) There is no way he would tolerate a bossy, aggressive Hermione like this fic presents. He would recoil into his protective privacy and shun her after that first ridiculous demonstration. Hermione should be wise enough to temper those inclinations around him. She can still be Hermione and boss around Ron and Harry and other idiots as much as she wants, but she should see Snape as the sensitive, formidable time-bomb that he is and treat him with a little more caution, respect, and kindness. She should treat him as an intelligent equal, not as a child with dirt on his nose. The author kept saying in her notes that Hermione was “asserting her place on the staff,” and “earning Snape’s respect” with these actions, but to me that kind of behavior would be seen as childish. Adults do not treat each other that way. I don’t mind a little Mary Sue in my fanfic, but if you Mary Sue to the point that you’ve emasculated your male lead unintentionally, there is a problem.

After all of those complaints, let’s re-iterate the good. There is a TON of good here. The writing is excellent. The author is very intelligent and everything is very well thought-out. There are some really fabulously creative ideas, like a special Egyptian-themed bracelet Hermione wears that has some very clever spoilers, inter-House politics that you rarely see in fics, and some great original characters. There is also a focus on the world as a whole, which I loved – a lot of fics tend to cozy up with just Severus and Hermione, but this fic is interested in everyone, while keeping the focus clear.

The bottom line: Despite my long paragraphs of reservations, this story really is very special. It’s amazing to have a fic this long, and especially this well-written. It definitely has its faults, for me, enough to stop reading and finish by skimming, but if you don’t mind a (very) gentle/clinical romance and a (very) strongly-opinionated Hermione, there is a lot of good here (literally LOTS, 700k. Too much for me.)

Seven Preposterous Things – Bloodcult of Freud

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9389336/chapters/21255608
Thank you to the commenter who let me know that this fic was recently posted on Archive of our Own! It is so exciting to me that some early SSHG authors are reposting their classic fics.

Rating: Acceptable Plus

The Basics: Half-Blood Prince Era, Comedy/AU/Romance, 100k

Warnings: Violence, Pregnancy, Kink, NC-17, Language, AU elements

Severus Snape and Dracy Malfoy have a plan to flee the British Wizarding World after the Final Battle, regardless of the outcome. Severus, hand on Portkey, makes a last moment decision to take a shocked Hermione Granger with him.

This is the second fic I’ve reviewed by Bloodcult of Freud – the first is Tyger, Tyger. It’s amazing how different they are. Tyger was a fairly serious, covering-a-lifetime, mostly classic story. Seven Preposterous is often comical, takes place over only a couple of months, and is so wildly different from most SSHG in setting and tone and character that it feels AU. Pretty much the opposite of Tyger, Tyger.

This fic spends a lot of time – at least a third, maybe more than that – on the perspectives of Millicent Bulstrode and Draco Malfoy. Millicent is very fleshed-out and interesting. I found her more compelling than the Severus and Hermione in this story. Her background is rich and detailed, delving into Pureblood culture by bringing in elements of fairy tales, which is something I had never considered or seen before. in fanfic. Those parts of the story were very fun. Draco is a bit more useless and dandy than I prefer, but I can’t really argue that it’s too far out of character.

So, Millicent and Draco are married, and they hatch a plan with Severus Snape to all escape together to the United States after the Wizarding War – Texas, specifically. The majority of the fic takes place there. They live in a Muggle home and take Muggle jobs, and rarely use magic to avoid the radar of United States Wizarding authorities. Severus is in love with Hermione and has been for years, but is reluctant to pursue her, so Hermione takes matters in to her own hands. I don’t usually give this detailed of a synopsis in my reviews, but this fic is so nutty that it seems necessary. It’s also important to note that the random insanity of these events is a major intentional theme; I am tempted to write ‘this fic is a mess,’ except that I know it was done intentionally and even the title ties in that theme. ‘Seven Preposterous Things.’ Life changes on a dime. Coincidences, foretelling, a kind word; the smallest things can shape the future. Life is wild and unpredictable.

With the lengthy preamble completed, let’s get down to the meat of it. My biggest problem with this fic is the characterization of Severus Snape. In this fic, he’s a pitiful mess – no confidence, bad hygiene, no game with women, victim complex, and a drunk. For me, Snape is many things, but he is not a groveling slob. He works with dangerous chemicals, has three jobs, and is a spy – he has to be disciplined and on his toes at all times. His entire life is about discipline and outward strength. I think that’s the key point for me here, where I differ with the author’s portrayal – I think Snape has many of these traits (self-loathing, self-pity, frustration with his life, bad habits) but in my opinion, he goes to GREAT LENGTHS to hide his faults from others. He always wants to seem in control, in the know, in authority. He is no longer Snivellus who gets bullied; he is Professor Snape, he is formidable, and no one will dare. He keeps his insecurities and faults LOCKED.UP. Bleeding out on the floor of the Shrieking Shack, he still performed his duty with dignity, without a trace of Snivellus. This disgusting, smelly, groveling man begging for scraps from Hermione is Snivellus, not Severus, and I couldn’t get over it.

Hermione is fairly in character and Millicent is fantastic, but Snape and Draco are both alternate reality pathetic groveling slobs in comparison to their canon personalities. There are a lot of feminist motifs in the story, which is awesome, but emasculating the two male characters is going a bit too far. Speaking of motifs – it seems worth pointing out that the foursome encounters 2 abandoned infants in the course of the story that they take in and make their own. It serves no purpose in the plot. I thought the first one was weird, and then they found a second? I suppose the story is called ‘Seven Preposterous Things’ and the strangeness of life’s course is a theme, but it felt messy and strange.

The writing is acceptable. I know the author is very well read and intelligent (there are a ton of literary, historical, and philosophic references in Tyger, Tyger,) but this fic has a much more casual tone and the writing reflects that. Most of it feels rather slap-dash, definitely written for fun rather than perfection. I liked the tongue-and-cheek nature of the fic – the author acknowledges that her fic is pretty insane at times by having her characters joke about it. However, I had the feeling that the author really enjoyed writing some sections and would put a lot of detail in to them, and then would boredly sketch out other sections with minimal effort. I found most of the Millie sections more compelling and than (generally shorter) Hermione and Severus sections; it seemed like the author was a lot more interested and invested in Millie than anyone else.

Additionally, I think the author changed some of her ideas as she was writing. There is a mention of a time travel machine, and what appeared to me to be a set-up for a time travel plot – lots of weird coincidences and random things working out for the group. I thought, ‘Oh, this will turn out to have been set up by one of them from the future, coming back and placing things for them to encounter.’ Nope…although the author went out of her way to exclaim how weird the coincidences are, and explicitly mentioned a time machine, they turned out to just be coincidences. The story wrapped up with a very weird deux ex machina, which I won’t spoil, but it was just another head-scratching thing this fic does. It plays to the theme, but it makes for a very weird reading experience.

Gold star for a fascinating Millicent Bulstrode and a positively magical take on Pureblood culture. Those were absolutely my favorite parts of the fic. Millie’s backstory is ‘delightful,’ to steal a word from one of my commenters, but…this is not a Millicent Bulstrode fic review site, and the rest of the story is not nearly as strong.

The bottom line: A very strange fic. One of its themes is the madness of chance and choice, and the author sets up many ridiculous, comical situations to explore that theme. There are a lot of good ideas and fun moments, but for me the Snape was gross and unfamiliar. Recommended if you want to try something zany and enjoy humor fics (and can tolerate a pathetic Snape) but I’d skip if you’re looking for great SSHG romance.

Of Debts and Debt Collection – by Anastasia

Links:
http://www.thepetulantpoetess.com/viewstory.php?sid=5075
http://ashwinder.sycophanthex.com/viewstory.php?sid=15825

Rating: Acceptable

The Basics: Half-Blood Prince Era, Romance, 180k

Warnings: Violence

Severus Snape barely survives the battle that results in Dumbledore’s death at his hand, and completing this final duty, he finds himself unable to return to the Death Eaters. He staggers back to Hogwarts and throws himself at their mercy, where one Hermione Granger nurses him back to health.

I feel like this is going to be one of the lamest reviews I’ve written, so apologies in advance for that. Every once in a while I run into a fic that I can tell is decently good, but that I really just don’t like. I can’t quite bring myself to skip to the end, but reading it is miserable, so I put it off for months. I’ve just come back to it again, for the third time, and I still can’t read it, so I’m finally skipping to the end. It’s pretty unfair to review a fic that I’ve read in spurts, separated by six months, and finally gave up on, but here we are. So, keep that disclaimer in mind.

This fic was well-received when it came out, and it won some fic awards, and is on most SSHG rec lists. It is decently written (somewhat messily in the beginning, but improves over time.) The plot is fairly basic, but not egregiously so. It’s unique in that it has Snape on the grounds at Hogwarts with the Trio and the Order searching for the Horcruxes. 90% of Half-Blood Prince fics have Snape with the Death Eaters (as he is at the end of HBP) and have to resolve that issue somehow, with a kidnapping or communication device. This one just turns him right around and sends him back to Hogwarts.

The main problem I have with it, other than the blandness, is that everything tilts towards classic romance novel tone, which does not suit this pairing. Snape is ridiculously idealized – great at sex, great at dueling, always has a witty one liner, always supremely confident, knows exactly how to interrogate a prisoner, can get whatever response he wants out of Hermione (or anyone), etc. It’s very predictable and makes it difficult to connect with him, or with the story, on an emotional level. The supreme confidence is the worst of it. Snape is outwardly confident, yes, but inwardly? Not at alL.

It’s not that he’s completely out of character – all of the classic Snape mannerisms and descriptions are there, it’s just this layer of Sexy Tough Romantic Hero Football Player added on top of it. Everything he does is ‘CSI Miami putting on the sunglasses and offering up a one-liner for the camera,’ you know? The worst example of this is Snape’s torturing of Lucius – that’s when I finally gave up on the fic. Snape carelessly, joyously, tortures his friend, with all sorts of great lines – but without a word on what he was actually feeling or thinking. It could have been a great scene of the author had delved in to the emotional level. The tone was completely wrong. This was a scene for character development, for sadness, for empathy, for nostalgia, but resolution to do what was needed. But no, just a bunch of cool one liners and zero emotional depth. A nice summary of the entire fic, as it happens.

As for the romantic pacing, it moves way too fast. The delicious coming-together is basically non-existent. It’s the ‘nursing him back to health, oops we’re in love’ trope that has been done hundreds of times, and not especially well here. They are kissing in the first few chapters. So, we can’t look to the excitement of romance to save this fic.

The bottom line: A fairly interesting set-up for a Half-Blood Prince fic, and well-written – but the supercool/confident Snape, rushed romance, and lack of emotional depth made the fic unenjoyable for me.